I can remember being a little girl and performing in dance recitals from the time I was two years old. I would get all dressed up and put on make-up, completed with a bun so tight my eyes instantly changed shape, and I had a throbbing headache. The adrenaline and excitement typically took over and sometimes I would even actually remember the dance. Before each performance started I would peek out from the sides of the stage to try and spot my parents in the audience. I had hoped they had remembered to get me a bouquet of flowers to say congratulations, so I could feel like the star of the show. Once I spotted them, I could breathe. The music started and everyone would perform for the people they loved and nothing else mattered. When I watch the children at the orphanage getting prepared all day to perform for us with all the costumes, hair and make-up, and see them peeking from the back of the curtain, it hits me. They are performing on the same stage where they sleep, eat, play, and live every moment of their lives, except when they go to school for a few hours each day. They perform to contribute to their household expenses each month at the orphanage. There is a lot more at stake than a bouquet of flowers. By the way that they dance you would never know that. It seems to be an escape for them and for most of them, their only chance to express themselves. There are no parents waiting in the audience but we are there, and we love them! I don't have children of my own but during that hour long performance was one of the closest times that I have felt like I did. I took over 300 pictures, got teary eyed, and clapped even when you weren't supposed to. I couldn't find my tissues so I had put a few cotton balls in each pocket and was using them to absorb the tears of joy.....class act. I could barely stay in my seat and finally got my chance to tell them it was the best show I have ever seen.

This would be on the hardest and final day at the orphanage for our first group of volunteers. We had stopped at the market in the morning and secured items for their fried chicken feast followed up by banana splits! The students negotiated the whole, hanging chickens dangling around in the open air market, covered in flies, like old pro's. They had instructions to buy them without the feet, head or guts..and nobody threw up! The children at the orphanage had never had a meal like this before and the way they kept going back for more until they physically could not take another bite, confirmed we had made a good choice. After we all compared bellies, a game I really love, we presented them with our gift of a gigantic mural of pictures that were taken over the last two weeks. Then it began, the next few hours the student volunteers danced with the kids at the orphanage like it was their last night on earth. They gave it everything they had. The tears started early and I couldn't make eye contact with anyone for too long or the slippery slope would begin. The children at the orphanage are used to being left behind, but the situation they are leaving is typically a nightmare. In this case, they were being separated from the students who have brought hem so much joy, upgraded their living situation, and filled their bellies and their hearts for the first time in a very long time. This was also the first time they had been around kids their own age that aren't in their same situation, as our volunteers are 12, 13 and 14 years old. The students are examples to the children and a hope that something better is possible. That is what they were letting go of on this night and that is why it is so hard to leave them. As the night fell, the sounds and sadness of 50 children filled the air. You never get used to that sound and the darker it gets the louder it becomes. Remember, Cambodian children are taught never to cry, so when you look around and see five children on one student volunteer and every one of them is lost in tears, it rips you apart. The walk to our tuk-tuks began with children hanging on every limb. Once you sit down and begin to ride away the children hold on to your hands as long as they can while running down the road with you. The tension of their grasp begins to give and their hand slips away, as you lose them in the darkness.

I can remember two years  ago when we were putting the first trip together for student volunteers and someone asked me in a not so supportive way, "When can students THAT young actually do?" I think about this question a lot when I see how capable these students are physically and emotionally, with just an outlet to do so and some support and encouragement. When I watch them teach the kids at the orphanage their ABC's, how to bathe with soap, clean their trash and to speak english and take pride in themselves. When I listen to them discuss the situations these kids are in with fire in every word, I know it has made a lasting impact. They care about it, and it has nothing to do with their cell phones, video games or who's dating who or what's on TV. I know that there is nothing in this world that they CAN'T do...except maybe drive and shave. : ) They transform right before your eyes when put in a situation bigger than themselves, with no safety net in sight. I can say that the next group who arrives on Wednesday will have some pretty big shoes to fill. Today we are heading to Siem Reap to visit the Angkor Wat temples, a very important part of Cambodian history. The students have more than earned this reward and they have no idea how much I will miss them when I drop them off at the airport on Tuesday.  I learn from them every day and we have had some very difficult moments and also some hilarious moments, that won't soon be forgotten. They have made a lasting impact in my life as well.  Jack (gangster), AJ, Haley, Keavy, Schariar, Creek (Boss), Nicole, Gena, Jen and Jamie THANK YOU for your hard work, through heat rash and happiness, and thank you for your love.